Holistic Hong Kong, November 2005
Linda Venus Fancy tells the story of how she was able to move through loneliness to discover the empowered state of her inner witness, and can now help others to do so.
I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and tired of the emotional stronghold of loneliness that crippled every love relationship I’d ever had, and indeed, had been the core driving force behind attracting a pattern of dysfunctional relationships into my life. Chris was another statistic who had needed a visa and I had needed a heart. I mistook his conditional attention for a potential happily-ever-after ending that I had so longed for since my childhood.
As I grew death became my reality as four members of my family passed away. Given a world where death is openly discussed, and accepted as an important transformational stage of our journey, I’m sure my emotional foundations would have been more stable. However in a world where death is taboo, I feared my demise and suppressed my living.
I was barely one when my biological father departed and my tender young brain absorbed messages of abandonment and instability as a repercussion of the grief and bitterness that my family adopted.
My mother departed when I was eleven and at the crucial prepubescent stage of my youth. Gone was the loving, mothering guidance and immediate reflection of how I was to be, yet through the four months of my broken bones recovery period in hospital my motivational self took over the driving seat and focused my energy on entertaining the invalids and nurses with my antics rather than drown in a bottomless cesspit of sentiments. Things like therapy or guidance counseling were unheard of in those days. The best they could muster after I came out of intensive care was a nurse to check in with me that I was aware of the car accident and the loss of my mother and younger brother. Her philosophy was that time would heal.
At this point the fear that I was unworthy of love was etched into the blueprint of my self-esteem. Together with the shattered remains of my father and older brother we took on the mode of “lets get on with it” as we picked up the emotional fragments that remained of our world. This was the first time in my life that I was to feel a sense of self-separation. One part of me felt like I was reincarnated as I easily entered the next phase of my life being raised by my stepfather. However the lack of love and emotional balance reinforced the darkness of abandonment issues that became my shadow, and which were reinforced with every man I got close to.
Real release came to me on the death of my elder brother when I could finally download my sadness and consciously enter the grieving stages that would ultimately lead to a place of acceptance built on the foundations of my faith.
Years later and worlds away from the sadness of my youth, I peered out from the 27th floor apartment window in Ap Lei Chau into the frames of hundreds of lifestyles and questioned the dysfunctional dynamics that people entertain everyday. In my heart of hearts, I felt abundant and knew that I had to access my inner truth beyond the darkness that held me captive.
Layer upon layer I peeled as I ferociously read every personal growth book I could lay my hands on. With self-processes I journeyed into the core of my emotional body questioning the depth of my despair. I attended workshop after workshop of many truths, feeling many ‘aha’s’, but with minimal change as I came down from the love and light bubble to return to my life of loneliness.
One of the turning points came when I was introduced to NLP and undertook certification so that I could better understand my mind. I had dabbled in self-hypnosis with astounding results so the different mind awareness techniques came easily to me. The other turning point was when I realized that I didn’t have to be perfect to share my insights with others. I had had the taste of working as a facilitator whilst employed in the corporate world and knew that I felt the most fulfilled in helping others realize their power.
As my self-awareness grew, I became more excited with wanting to share my insights and the benefits of my experiences with others. I had accumulated a lot of knowledge by this time and my way of looking at the world began to shift. I recalled another dimension of awareness that I had experienced as a sick child. This I called Witness Awareness. Through disassociation techniques I was able to remove myself from my emotional body and feel like I was operating from a third person perspective. From this place I could see which part of me was responding to any given situation and have the power of choice in how I would respond, almost from a state of timelessness.
As I became empowered with self-awareness and a toolbox of techniques that I could easily access to manage my state, I realized that my emotions were becoming controllable and my relationships functional. I am now honest with myself about the different parts of my conditioned ‘me’ that need emotional feeding under different situations.
As another point of disassociation from the baggage that I accumulated as the child called Linda, I often reflected on the power of changing my name. Venus came to me from the stars yet in a very grounded and powerful way.
The full test of my empowerment work came when I detached from nearly 13 years in Hong Kong to live with my love in Sri Lanka, two weeks before Tsunami. I was guided to work in the field offering psychosocial services with graduate doctors awaiting internship when my emotional child reared its head in the most obscure ways. I would return from working with Tsunami children in a school and find that I would feel overly emotional and needing the confirmation of my boyfriend’s love. I realized that I was projecting into the loneliness of the children who had lost their families as reflections of my own story.
Me Management was born of this realization, as a self-awareness programme for the psychosocial workers. With a basic introduction to the make-up of their minds and its possible impact under extreme emotional conditions through empowerment processes they could access Witness Awareness and effectively remove themselves into a more objective third person perspective. The results were phenomenal as the selfless service souls were given emotional space to breathe and not beat themselves up with the “should’s” of what is expected from them as medical professionals.
For the first time in my life I felt the pieces of my purpose finally come together as I was given the opportunity to shift the poisonous perceptions that fed my fears.
When I reflect in my journey towards sorting out my emotions, the biggest realization is that the witnessing, non-judgemental state of awareness that I access is the truth of who I really am and freedom from my emotions gives me the power of choosing how I want to be in each moment.
Linda Venus has brought Me Management to Hong Kong as a self-awareness programme for the benefit of people suffering corporate stress or emotional overload. Me Management can provide clients with appropriate practical solutions to meet the personal challenges of professional life whilst guiding them in the development of skill sets for greater self management in either a group workshop environment or in one-on-one consultations.